All That Glitters Is . . . Edward Cullen? Seriously?

I am so tired of hearing about the ubiquitous saga of mythological creatures! Junior highers love Edward Cullen. So do a lot of girls at Vanguard, apparently. Honestly, what is so thrilling about this precious Edward? I've read the first two books and then stopped due to my low regard for the series as quality literature. I may be one of the only girls to hold this opinion, but I hold it proudly: Edward is not the type of guy that I find desirable. From what I can tell, girls seem to like him based on his 1) incredible good looks, 2) unwavering devotion, and 3) he, umm . . . glitters?

1)Incredible good looks, hmmm? Everybody loves to look at pretty things and beautiful people. That much is obvious. Something within us responds deeply to beauty--look at how many pictures and paintings of sunsets there are. People like things to be gorgeous and they like shiny things. We just do. Edward Cullen, however, is portrayed as suspiciously and unrealistically good-looking, supposedly having the proverbial "perfect" body, "perfect" voice, hair, whatever. But see the problem? The sickeningly perfect is nearly impossible to relate to. It's true. Have you ever tried to relate to a sunset? I would have a hard time trusting somebody who was totally perfect. It's weird. Unnatural. Some girls go so far as to say that a "real" man looks like Edward Cullen. Now, that makes me angry. I mean, yes, like most people, I might consider some guys to be better looking than others. I'd be lying if I said well-built upper bodies were not attractive. But that is completely irrelevant to the concept of a "real" man, and that is why I get angry at girls who think it essential.

What is a "real" man? A real man (oh, misguided Twilight fans) is a man that loves the Lord more than anything, and puts God and His will above everything else in his life. A real man is nothing more, nothing less. Let's look at two broad, general stereotypes for the sake of my point. Yep, both broad and general. And vague. There could be this Edward Cullen-ish guy you know. Maybe he goes to your school. He is most likely talented at sports or lifts weights really impressively. And he goes out with all kinds of pretty girls. You might know another guy, who does not look like Edward Cullen. Perhaps he is scrawny, rather nerdy, and clumsy. Everybody probably makes fun of him constantly. But let's say that this guy really loves the Lord. With all his heart. And maybe he has never been on a date, and maybe he wants to wait for the girl God has picked to be his wife. You know what? That guy is a "real" man. He is much more of a man than the first stereotype will ever be. Much more of a man than Edward Cullen. Well, he's a vampire, not a man, but still. And he does wait for Bella. Hmmm. I find a lot of this first reason for Edward's wonderfulness a bit contradictory. Girls are always getting mad at guys for looking at heavily made-up women with perfect bodies, yet I hear girls saying they wish their boyfriends could look/be more like Edward, who is cold and pale and sparkly (gag me). So really, how can girls expect guys to try to be wholesome and not only look at a girl's appearance when these same girls can't stop telling them to be like Edward? If I had a boyfriend, you know what I would tell him? I would tell him to not be like Edward. I would tell him to fall more passionately in love with God than he ever could with me. To be like Jesus. That is rare. I'd respect him enough not to throw some fictional fantasy in his face. I don't get why girls do that. When guys go on about girls with a perfect body, I feel like I am not good enough. I think of the ways in which I differ from that notion. So maybe guys feel bad when girls go on about Edward Cullen. Maybe some Twilight fans don't think of that.

2) Unwavering devotion. Yes, Edward seems to love Bella more than his own life. A perfectly admirable quality, in one sense. I mean, relationships fall apart all the time because of people going around and having affairs--you can't turn on the news without hearing about Tiger Woods. God intended couples to be faithful to one another: till death means till death. God hates divorce. That is not where obsessing over Edward Cullen could be a problem. The problem is when that wonderful loyalty expands into an expectation of complete emotional fulfillment. I mean, look at what happens when Edward leaves: Bella's life is practically over. She cannot function properly. She gets no joy out of her existence, mopes around all the time, and is just generally unpleasant. Personally, that is how I would feel if I didn't have God, not a person. I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't feel empty or lonely or achy. I feel peaceful. I do like somebody, but I understand that God holds my life, so I don't need to worry about how it will go. When people don't find their security in God, or feel like it, they look for it in each other because that's their only other choice. (Well, some people look for it in things like money, but that's not the point). This is what some Twilight fans do not seem to understand. It is perfectly natural to want to be cared for and adored and thought of as the most beautiful and special girl in the world. Every girl wants a guy to think of her like that. But if God isn't your constant source of . . . everything, you will put that burden on someone else. People let us down, even Edward Cullen. But God never does. You can't expect a human being to be everything you need, because what happens when they fail? You feel let down, perhaps crushed.

If Bella loved God, when Edward left, she would've realized that she should let God pick her husband. But that's less dramatic. We like drama in our fiction but not in our reality. Instead of wanting some guy to love me more than anything, I want him to love God most. Because I can't be everything to somebody, I'm just this girl. If someone expected me to be his everything, I'd feel terrible. Because I'm not. I love God and I love people. But sometimes I worry over silly things and talk too much and get distracted and interrupt people. And write really long, rambling blogs. I'm not perfect. I realize all of the above is quite easy to type and to know but more difficult to feel and live out. But it's true.

3) Glitter. "No comment" is, in fact, a comment. So, "no comment."

Edward Cullen might be fun to read about to all these girls, but let's leave him where he belongs after we close the books: he is as fictional as he is appealing. Fictional people may be fun to dream about, but God makes "real" men. Who aren't flecked with shiny little sparkles.

Zombies Make Everything Better

I think that I'm the only girl I know who has read Pride and Prejudice and, although it is a humorous, well-written classic of British literature, found it a bit dull. I hear several girls fancy themselves in love with Mr. Darcy. I don't understand what is so attractive about him--I find him just as annoying as he is fictional (I will probably make some enemies with that opinion). His pretentious attitude, "wavy chestnut hair" and general personality incite irritating rather than favorable emotions in me. While meandering around Barnes and Noble one day, I discovered a book called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. "Now, this is more like it," I said to myself. "Maybe the addition of zombies will make the book more intriguing." I received it later for Christmas, and . . .

I was right. I have been reading this book virtually nonstop before Emily got here and after she left, and I am almost finished with it. It is hilarious. I especially enjoy the part where Charlotte is transforming into a zombie and nobody notices but Elizabeth. I cried, delirious with laughter, my body shaking in mirth as my parents knocked on my door and asked if I was all right in there and could I please calm down, they were trying to watch a movie.

I am one of those people who say they like all kinds of books. But what I really mean when I say that is I will read almost any genre of literature, but I only really like some. A lot of people don't read books that they don't like, but I do, just in case they turn out to be amazing. I don't want to miss out. I am perpetually reading Russian literature, as Tolstoy and Dostoevsky are my favorite authors, but I make sure that the other 5ish books I read at a time are of different kinds, from those gloriously entertaining Redwall books to classics to Agatha Christie mysteries to Discworld. I learned that Redwall has been on the bestseller list for years or something. How have I not heard of it before?! Brave little mice and woodland creatures, talking and battling and escaping and planning and climbing like they do, being all courageous and not giving up and supporting each other and such . . . each page I turn brings a smile to my face. And my mom got me hooked on Agatha Christie mysteries; I am particularly fond of Poirot and his arrogant brilliance. Discworld is probably the best satire series, eerily similar to and at least as good as Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, if not funnier.

A lot of my books are really old because I think that, besides having the advantage of being cheaper, old books smell really good. In fact, if there was a perfume or something of "old book smell" I would totally wear it. Actually, probably not. I would just sit there smelling it all day. I would spray it on my new books so that they, too, would give me a better reading experience. People might ask me how I like the book, or what it's about, but I wouldn't be able to tell them because I haven't been reading the book, I've been smelling it. [I don't have a very strong sense of smell, but that doesn't mean I don't feel happy when I smell something good. My roommate has this body spray that smells so good that I want to follow her around for the rest of my life. We will be sitting there in our room doing homework or whatever, and I get tired of sitting still, so I go over and grab her wrist and smell it nonchalantly. I'll borrow it when we go back to school, and maybe people will want to follow me around forever. If you are wearing some sort of body spray/cologne or you are one of those people that naturally smells wonderful, I'll probably try to smell you at some point without you noticing. I don't mean to be creepy, I'll just follow you around, inhaling deeply.]

Despite the fact that it's impossible to read every book ever, I still want to try. At least read lots of Russian literature.

Also, I heard of some book called Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Is there no end? What's next? Romeo and Juliet and Killer Bunnies? Their love interrupted--not by feuding families but by evil furry rabbits? Oh, well. Zombies made me like Pride and Prejudice.