Zombies Make Everything Better

I think that I'm the only girl I know who has read Pride and Prejudice and, although it is a humorous, well-written classic of British literature, found it a bit dull. I hear several girls fancy themselves in love with Mr. Darcy. I don't understand what is so attractive about him--I find him just as annoying as he is fictional (I will probably make some enemies with that opinion). His pretentious attitude, "wavy chestnut hair" and general personality incite irritating rather than favorable emotions in me. While meandering around Barnes and Noble one day, I discovered a book called Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. "Now, this is more like it," I said to myself. "Maybe the addition of zombies will make the book more intriguing." I received it later for Christmas, and . . .

I was right. I have been reading this book virtually nonstop before Emily got here and after she left, and I am almost finished with it. It is hilarious. I especially enjoy the part where Charlotte is transforming into a zombie and nobody notices but Elizabeth. I cried, delirious with laughter, my body shaking in mirth as my parents knocked on my door and asked if I was all right in there and could I please calm down, they were trying to watch a movie.

I am one of those people who say they like all kinds of books. But what I really mean when I say that is I will read almost any genre of literature, but I only really like some. A lot of people don't read books that they don't like, but I do, just in case they turn out to be amazing. I don't want to miss out. I am perpetually reading Russian literature, as Tolstoy and Dostoevsky are my favorite authors, but I make sure that the other 5ish books I read at a time are of different kinds, from those gloriously entertaining Redwall books to classics to Agatha Christie mysteries to Discworld. I learned that Redwall has been on the bestseller list for years or something. How have I not heard of it before?! Brave little mice and woodland creatures, talking and battling and escaping and planning and climbing like they do, being all courageous and not giving up and supporting each other and such . . . each page I turn brings a smile to my face. And my mom got me hooked on Agatha Christie mysteries; I am particularly fond of Poirot and his arrogant brilliance. Discworld is probably the best satire series, eerily similar to and at least as good as Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books, if not funnier.

A lot of my books are really old because I think that, besides having the advantage of being cheaper, old books smell really good. In fact, if there was a perfume or something of "old book smell" I would totally wear it. Actually, probably not. I would just sit there smelling it all day. I would spray it on my new books so that they, too, would give me a better reading experience. People might ask me how I like the book, or what it's about, but I wouldn't be able to tell them because I haven't been reading the book, I've been smelling it. [I don't have a very strong sense of smell, but that doesn't mean I don't feel happy when I smell something good. My roommate has this body spray that smells so good that I want to follow her around for the rest of my life. We will be sitting there in our room doing homework or whatever, and I get tired of sitting still, so I go over and grab her wrist and smell it nonchalantly. I'll borrow it when we go back to school, and maybe people will want to follow me around forever. If you are wearing some sort of body spray/cologne or you are one of those people that naturally smells wonderful, I'll probably try to smell you at some point without you noticing. I don't mean to be creepy, I'll just follow you around, inhaling deeply.]

Despite the fact that it's impossible to read every book ever, I still want to try. At least read lots of Russian literature.

Also, I heard of some book called Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. Is there no end? What's next? Romeo and Juliet and Killer Bunnies? Their love interrupted--not by feuding families but by evil furry rabbits? Oh, well. Zombies made me like Pride and Prejudice.